12.Your Horoscope For Today
aquarius
There's travel in your future when your tongue freezes to the
back of a
Speeding bus
Fill that void in your pathetic life by playing whack-a-mole
seventeen hours a
Day
Pisces
Try to avoid any virgos or leos with the ebola virus
You are the tru lord of the dance, no matter what those idiots
at work say
Aries
The look on your face will be priceless when you find that forty
pound
Watermelon in your colon
Trade toothbrushes with an albino dwarf, then give a hickey to
meryl streep
Taurus
You will never find tru happiness - what you gonna do, cry about
it？
The stars predict tomorrow you'll wake up, do a bunch of stuff,
and then go
Back to sleep
That's your horoscope for today (that's your horoscope for
today)
That's your horoscope for today
That's your horoscope for today (that's your horoscope for
today)
That's your horoscope for today
Gemini
Your birthday party will be ruined once again by your explosive
flatulence
Your love life will run into trouble when your fiance hurls a
javelin through
Your chest
Cancer
The position of jupiter says you should spend the rest of the
week face down in
The mud
Try not to shove a roll of duct tape up your nose while taking
your driver's
Test
Leo
Now is not a good time to photocopy your butt and staple it to
your boss's
Face, oh no
Eat a bucket of tuna-flavored pudding, then wash it down with a
gallon of
Strawberry quik
Virgo
All virgos are extremely friendly and intelligent - except for
you
Expect a big surprise today when you wind up with your head
impaled on a stick
That's your horoscope for today (that's your horoscope for
today)
That's your horoscope for today
That's your horoscope for today (that's your horoscope for
today)
That's your horoscope for today
Now you may find it inconceivable or at the very least a bit
unlikely that the
Relative position of the planets and the stars could have a
special deep
Significance or meaning that exclusively applies to only you,
but let me give
You my assurance that these forcasts and predictions are all
based on solid,
Scientific, documented evidence, so you would have to be some
kind of moron not
To reaize that every single one of the is absolutely true.
Where was i？
Libra
A big promotion is just around the corner for someone much more
talented that
You
Laughter is the very best medicine, remember that when your
appendix bursts
Next week
Scorpio
Get ready for an unexpected trip when you call screaming from an
open window
Work a little harder on improving your low self-esteem, you
stupid freak
Sagittarius
All your friends are laughing behind your back (kill them)
Take down all those naked pictures of ernest borgnine you've got
hanging in
Your den
Capricorn
The stars say that you're an exciting and wonderful person, but
you know
They're lying
If i were you, i's lock my doors and windows and never never
never never never
Leave my house again
That's your horoscope for today (that's your horoscope for
today)
That's your horoscope for today
That's your horoscope for today (that's your horoscope for
today)
That's your horoscope for today
That's your horoscope for today (that's your horoscope for
today)
That's your horoscope for today
That's your horoscope for today (yay yay yay yay yay)
That's your horoscope for today
| 
